Have you ever listened to a conversation, an interview, a political debate or an argument and it’s blatantly clear that one or more of the people involved is simply wrong? As in, the things they’re saying are factually and objectively untrue. They’re either misinformed, remembering something incorrectly or flat out lying, but they deliver their words with a tone of such confidence, or are capable of charismatically delivering their message in a way that strikes a chord with the audience that some members of that audience believe what’s being said. In many cases the person who’s delivering the falsehoods might believe what they’re saying, even when they should know better than to think they’re informed enough on the subject to be so certain.
There are a number of reasons why people feel the need to sound right or feel right, even if they’re clearly not. These reasons range from media manufactured societal expectations to mental health, which can take us down a dark path of cynicism and pessimism, but I’d like to shine some light on a more motivating and optimistic reason why we should acknowledge our own lack of knowledge.
Why we should all be comfortable with saying, “I don’t know.”
Even if we don’t always say the words out loud, we can at least acknowledge in our own self talk that we don’t know something when in fact…we don’t. Here are six reason that we should be honest about our lack of knowledge about something.
1. Honesty
Thomas Jefferson said that “Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” It’s for this reason that the following five reasons will all revert back to this one. Being truly honest with ourselves about our level of knowledge about a given subject will only strengthen our depth of understanding about it, even if we have to show some humility initially, or if we lose a debate or argument.
I’m not going to use this post to focus on all the reasons why honesty is the best policy, but when faced with an opportunity to either say “I don’t know” or bullshit your way through an answer to fulfill some socially and psychologically engrained need to sound smart, you’re likely missing an opportunity to truly learn and grow.
2. Credibility
The social and psychological desire to give an answer to sound smart, even if you don’t know what you’re talking about is, unfortunately, not a unique characteristic. However, when you plunge in to those instincts, ironically, you’re taking a risk at sounding foolish to anybody who has a real grasp on a subject that you’re either pretending to have a grasp on or believe that you do, when you don’t.
There are some people who are just really good at bullshitting their way through things, but the credibility that one gains from this is typically shallow and fails as a teachable moment. If your goal is to just get through a social interaction while falsely looking like the person with the answers, with no real interest in actually learning anything, then the skill of bullshitting can work for you, but if learning and actually being as knowledgeable as you pretend to be is your intention, then try saying “I don’t know,” followed with genuine questions or maybe even silence.
Taking the dishonest route of pretending to know more than you know can be especially damning to your social credibility via social media. While most social media platforms feel like cesspools that inherently invite nonsensical levels of confidence, well informed people can still see what you’re writing on public forums. People that know if what you’re saying is true or not. And while it may give you a sense of gratification to be cheered on by your tribe of people who don’t know any better, your path to wisdom and meaningful social credibility is compromised by your dishonest ego. This can be avoided by simply admitting to yourself that you don’t know, and then acting accordingly.
3. Confidence
The reason why many people pretend to know more than they do is due to a lack of confidence. It’s important for most of us to feel important, to have meaning and to be heard. It’s difficult for many of us to recognize the power in humility, and it’s natural to act with an exaggerated level of certainty about a given subject. The problem with this is that this facade has the tendency to actually lower our self confidence in the long run.
Imagine an unhealthy person being able to hide the fact that they’re out of shape, and was able to pretend that they eat healthy and exercise, and that they were somehow able to convince a lot of people of this lie by wearing certain clothes, communicating with people via Zoom with the camera showing only the shoulders up, or editing photos to make themselves look healthier for social media. Two truths would make this a confidence killer:
First, they are fully aware that they’re not being honest, and they know that not everybody falls for their lie.
Second, they aren’t making themselves more in shape by doing this because they’re not putting in the real work and applying the discipline. It’s once they do the work and truly make themselves a healthier version of themself that they’ll be confident in the work they’ve done and the lessons they’ve learned, and be able to confidently walk through life knowing that who they present themself as is who they truly are.
A great deal of fulfillment and development comes from acting according to your true level of knowledge, along with a spirit of curiosity and skills for critical thinking. And while learning more about a subject has the tendency to inspire a sense of humility once we start to learn how much bigger that subject is than we originally thought, that humility can help grow our confidence since we’ll know that we are acting in accordance with the knowledge we truly have and not what we pretend to have.
4. Self Awareness
Self awareness and confidence are keys to emotional intelligence, and have the ability to operate in tandem with each other. When you’re confident in an honest understanding of who you are, you’ll be able to accept your true self in a way that makes it possible to interact with, grow and make meaningful changes to yourself. If you’re living a lie and/or consistently acting according to a false sense of who you are and what you know, you lack the self awareness required to improve your position.
One way to establish an honest relationship with your level of knowledge and to ensure a truer sense of self awareness is to take inventory of your interactions with others and then apply some simple critical thinking skills to your own self. I discussed this in another post here.
For example, if you’re someone who is making the claim that global warming is a hoax, you ask yourself the following questions to determine whether or not you should be so confident to make such a claim, or if you should maybe take a more humble approach to this subject.
Question 1: What is my level of expertise on the subject? How much do I really know about geophysics, chemistry, hydrology, planetary atmosphere, climatology, meteorology or any of the other fields of study that thousands of people who disagree with me on my position have spent decades focused and disciplined on in order to study intelligently and come to their hypotheses?
Question 2: Where did my position or opinion originate? Am I parroting the words of a politician or pundit who might have a vested interest in keeping me ill informed, or have I taken the time to really let my guard down in an attempt to try and better understand why experts on the subject seem to be relatively consistent about some of the core claims around climate science.
Question 3: What are the intentions of the people who have convinced me of my position? Is there a chance that a person or organization may have a monetary or political interest in having me, as a member of their audience, believe the thing they’ve convinced me of?
Question 4: Have I truly considered multiple sides to this subject? Am I locked in to a position because I’m an established member of a tribe of people within an echo chamber of opinions or have I truly taken the time to examine the opposing arguments and just haven’t yet been convinced? (Also, see Question 1 again)
Question 5: How much of my position is based on feelings and opinions, and how much is based on hard data? Am I getting my “information” from consuming cable pundits or talk radio, or am I truly digging in to the science. (And again, see Question 1)
If you’re able to have a truly open dialogue with yourself about your level of understanding about a given subject, it can help to manage anxiety about it, so long as you can act and speak accordingly.
5. More Actual Knowledge
Jiu jitsu is sometimes referred to as “the great equalizer” of martial arts, in part because knowledge, experience and technique are guiding forces. One does not simply trick their way in to tapping out a more advanced opponent, and size and strength, with some exception, are not going to decide who is most effective at the sport. One must put in the time and the work to learn and advance their expertise in the craft, and no amount of unfounded confidence will act as a supplement for that effort. One must become humbled by tapping (losing by being submitted by an opponent or training partner) in order to grow.
Education has often been referred to “the great equalizer” of a society, because people who come from different back grounds, social statuses, financial situations, etc can find themselves on much closer grounds in a democratic society through by obtaining a formal education. While this is a debated topic, especially in recent years with advancements in technology and changes in workforce demands, the premise still stands. Whether through obtaining a degree from a university or by becoming skilled in the ability to learn and think critically, one’s ability to advance in a given industry or discipline are greatly increased by their knowledge and expertise in that industry.
It’s difficult to pretend to be knowledgable about a given subject unless the only people that a person is surrounding themselves with are people who don’t know any better. It’s difficult to become more knowledgable if you aren’t honest about how little you actually know about something.
So, by maintaining a student mentality about the world, one can be more readily available to absorb and make sense of new information. A student mentality is not one that is fixed, driven by emotions or easily swayed by foolish people or by those looking to exploit you. It is one of critical thinking, humility and open to new ideas, all while maintaining an honesty with yourself and learning to not allow yourself to be fooled.